Currently Reading Paul and First-Century Letter Writing: Secretaries, Composition and Collection By E. Randolph Richards see related

There comes a moment in every father's life when it all pays off.  All the hard work, all the aggravation, all the worry is worth it at these special Golden Moments of life.  Fatherhood is hard work and most of it rarely seems worth it.  You push, encourage, discipline, reward and there is little improvement and no gratitude.  So, a father needs to appreciate and savor these Golden Moments when it all comes together.

This morning I am having a Golden Moment.  David has a big book report due today.  The report was assigned a month ago, but being the excellent student that he is, David decided to start working on his report last night at 5:00.  When bed time came around last night he decided he didn't have to go to bed because his homework wasn't done.  But being the good father that I am, I told him to go to bed and I would wake him up in time this morning to finish his homework.  So, this morning I was rewarded with my Golden Moment.  I quietly, slowly creeped into his room and tip-toed up to his bed.  He looks so innocent and peaceful in his sleep it's almost a shame to wake him.  So I slowly took hold of his blankets and then violently ripped them off him.  David jumped up in bed, blinked about five times, stared at the clock and then said "4:45!"  It was a beautiful moment.  A Golden Moment.  Almost as good as the time I woke him up with a glass with a water.

I think part of the frustration of being a father is that you see your children for what they could be, not necessarily as they really are.  But even though you see all this potential in your child, you also see how much they fail to live up to that potential.  I think God looks at us in the same way.  He has to.  How could he love me for what I am and what I've done?  He couldn't.  I think instead he sees what I could be.  He knows fully what I am capable of in a way that I don't even understand.

I taught from Ephesians on Monday and one verse keeps sticking in my head, "For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life."  That's a powerful verse.  I am what God has made me.  I have been created for good works that God has prepared for me to accomplish since before the creation of the world.  But I know I often fail to live up to this amazing creative work that God has accomplished in me.  I rarely meet the potential that God has made in me.

As I work with my own sons I need to keep in mind God's patience with me.  It's certainly understandable that they would struggle with meeting their potential right now.  They don't even know what they are capable of.  They have never had anyone love them, encourage them, train them.  They have never been convinced that they can accomplish nearly anything that they set their minds to.  I need to patient in the coming years and not to expect them to live up to their potential at every moment, but it's so hard because I know what they can do.

I guess in the meantime I'll just have to be satisfied with savoring my little Golden Moments.  Speaking of which, it's time to go wake up Dakota now.

I guess my entry from yesterday was too subtle, since nobody seems to get it.  The point was that I really do think my life is brilliant.  Yes, there are things about my life that are a pain in the rear (mostly the kids) but I wouldn't change any of it if I could.  I like the stress.  I enjoy the challenge.  I love the tension and impossibility of my schedule. 

I really don't think there is one thing about my life that I would change if given the opportunity.  Except maybe one more day a week or a few more hours every day.  But then I would just accept more assignments to fill that time.

Currently Reading Parenting With Love and Logic : Teaching Children Responsibility By Foster W. Cline, Jim Fay see related

"My life is brilliant."

James Blunt begins his song "You're beautiful" with this line - "My life is brilliant."  I heard this song a few weeks ago and the song got stuck in my head for a few days.  I didn't really know any of the words, except about half of the chorus, so I walked around singing it for two days, making up words to fit in with the song.  A friend of mine told me it was a "disturbing" song (the original, not my version) so when I heard it again this morning I paid close attention to the words.  And the song is kind of disturbing and sad at the same time.  He sees a girl on the subway and falls in love with her, but he's depressed because he'll never be with her because she already has a man.  Anway, it's a stupid song, but for some reason it always gets in my head when I hear it.  I guess it's supposed to be irony or something (I never did understand artists) but his life isn't brilliant.  In fact, his life stinks.  All he has to sing and think about is some girl he's lusting after that he saw on a crowded subway.  It's pretty sad.

Last week I signed my new faculty contract.  They've decided to keep me on for another year. So I've been thinking a lot about the past year,  the year to come and my present state.  I suppose the middle of March isn't really a normal "state of the person" time, but since I just turned a year closer to forty and signed the new contract and all, it seems like a good time to take stock.  I'm not really done thinking through things yet, but so far I'm mostly thinking "overwhelmed."  I've accepted way too much responsibility.  I'm stressed.  I'm bordering on burnout.  I'm teaching six hours a week.  I'm preaching every week.  I'm taking a class and have a big term paper due in two weeks that I've barely started.  I have a conference I'm going to this weekend.  I have two boys at home who won't do their homework and get in constant trouble.  My life is so stressed and busy that if one thing happens out of schedule that causes me extra work or time I'm in trouble.  I have no margins.  I have no room to breath.  My head is barely above the water.

My life is brilliant.

Thank you God.